I Dare You To
by Hogwarts Poltergeist
Summary: A party in the trio’s sixth year reveals a secret the trio could never have imagined. Starts off funny and silly, but will evolve once it gets started.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: A party in the trio's sixth year reveals a secret the trio could never have imagined. Starts off funny and silly, but will evolve once it gets started.

It was the second day of Christmas vacation in the sixth year, so most of Hogwarts' students had gone home to bug their parents for food and gifts. Of the Gryffindors, only Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Parvati, Lavender, Katie, and Colin remained. They were all sitting at their table in the Great Hall after breakfast, looking at each other and feeling quite bored. The weather was too cold and rainy to go outside, and there wasn't much homework left to do.

Ron, tired of being bored, asked, "Anybody up for a game of wizard's chess?"

"What's the point? You'll just beat us all," Harry grumbled.

"I can't help that," said Ron apologetically.

Hermione piped up eagerly, "We can always knit hats and sweaters for SPEW..." She stopped when she saw the looks on their faces. "Well, fine then."

Neville turned to Hermione and said wisely, "Hermione, if you want to free the House-elves, you have to do it in a better manner than tricking them into freedom and giving them heart attacks."

Hermione sighed, "Well, I guess we can always work on inter-House relations"

Ron rounded her and hissed angrily, "If you expect me to sit and have tea with the Slytherins..."

"No, but we can have a party with the other Houses," suggested Parvati.

Hermione shook her head and skeptically said, "I don't know, I was thinking more of something that we can sit and talk about how we can get along better in a rational manner away from the influences of firewhiskey and butterbeer."

Lavender rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Hermione, you have got to learn how to lighten up. You'll never get the Houses to unite if we have to be so formal about everything."

"But this is a serious issue!" Hermione protested indignantly.

Harry reassured her, "You'll get more people to unite if we're relaxed and having fun than if we have to sit through some type of board meeting thing."

"Yeah, and you will get more people to join SPEW if they are drunk off their arses," Ron added.

All but Ron at the Gryffindor table held their breath as Hermione began to visibly swell with fury and Ron prepared to rise to the challenge. In order to prevent a possible WW3, Harry interrupted, "It's settled then. At five o'clock tonight, get everyone to meet in the Room of Requirement. And remember, anyone who brings a Slytherin will be the human piñata."

The Gryffindors split apart and went to invite people of other houses to the party. At the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy and his crew of misfits curiously watched the Gryffindors swarm around the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables. Draco, ever the nosy Slytherin, decided to find out what they were up to.

He leaned across the table to catch the attention of Blaise Zabini, a handsome yet inconspicuous stoner that was innocently reading the morning's Daily Prophet. "Zabini," hissed Draco.

Blaise lazily looked up and mumbled, "What?"

Draco nodded in the direction of the Ravenclaw table, the nearest, and ordered, "Go see what the Gryffindors are up to."

"Why me?" demanded Blaise.

"Because if I go over there, there will be an uncomfortable silence, followed by them asking what i want, then they'll threaten me and shoo me away, resulting in me not knowing any more than I do now. If you go, there won't be any problem because I don't think they even know who you are," Draco explained matter-of-factly.

Blaise sighed and glanced toward the Ravenclaw table, where he saw Ginny approaching Luna Lovegood. He looked back at Draco, who was grinning. "You expect me to spy on the Weasel and her hippie friend?" he asked incredulously.

Draco nodded, cheerful that he was getting his way. Blaise heaved another sigh, then stood and threw Draco a final glare before easing around the table to spy on Ginny and Luna. Draco's euphoria at outsmarting someone smarter than him didn't last long, for he felt a rolled-up newspaper hit him squarely on top of his head.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing his head and whirling around to see Theodore Nott, a boy that resembled a human house-plant, standing behind him, looking ticked off.

"You really shouldn't use Blaise's unpopularity against him," Theodore scolded.

Draco rolled his eyes and snapped, "It's not any of your business you little Muggle fudger."

"I'm a what?" Theodore inquired, lifting an eyebrow.

Draco was saved from explaining what exactly a "Muggle fudger" is by Blaise's reappearance. He took his seat and continued on reading the Daily Prophet as if he hadn't been interrupted. Draco stared expectantly at him.

"Well" Draco said, prompting him to say something.

Blaise reported, "The Gryffindors are throwing a party tomorrow at five o'clock in the Room of Requirement to promote inter-House relations. Apparently they have also all sworn not to tell any Slytherins about the party."

"How _dare_ they think they can throw a party without inviting us," said Draco indignantly.

Theodore and Blaise exchanged glances.

"If they want to throw a party, let them have it. We can have our own party in our Common Room," suggested Theodore.

Draco shook his head and protested, "No, that will be too easy."

Crabbe, who had awoken from his stupor, questioned, "So, you think we should crash the Gruffleclaw party?"

"Of course," answered Draco.

Goyle, who had also awoken from his stupor, shook his head and said skeptically, "I don't know, maybe we should just have our own in our Common Room."

Draco rounded on him angrily and snarled, "What did I tell you about listening to people that aren't me?"

Blaise rolled his eyes and stated, "Trust me, this will be a bad idea."

"What can go wrong?" Draco asked arrogantly. "Besides, you said the little Weasel told Loony that Granger wanted to help build 'Inter-House relations'. How can they possibly do that if there is a House missing?"

"I just get the feeling that for some unexplained reason, the Gruffleclaws don't like us," Blaise explained.

"Who cares. This is a free party, even if it is with a bunch of losers. They will need some cool people there, after all," Draco said.

"I don't know if I told you this lately, but you are truly an idiot," Blaise said sincerely.

Theodore snickered at this, as did Crabbe and Goyle. A cold glare from Draco quickly silenced them.

Draco huffed angrily, "Fine. I _will_ go, and I _will_ make those Gruffleclaws sorry that they didn't invite us willingly."

He looked down to the other side of the Slytherin table to see if Pansy Parkinson was there. She was indeed, talking with Millicent Bulstrode about what potion best removes beards from women.

"Oi, Pansy!" Draco called loudly.

Everyone else in the Great Hall ignored him, since the Gryffindors were still going around inviting Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws to their party.

Pansy called back just as loudly, "Yes, Draco?"

"Wanna go to the Gryffindork's party with me?" Draco asked.

This certainly got everyone else's attention.

"Okay!" Pansy accepted, then returned to complaining to Millicent about her beard that just wouldn't go away.

Around the Great Hall, there were now angry hisses of "I thought you said there would be no Slytherins!" and "How the bloody hell did they know?" Draco, satisfied, stood up and beckoned to Crabbe and Goyle.

He ordered, "You two are coming with me. As for you" he glared at Blaise and Theodore. "You will come too or I'll write to both your parents and tell them I saw you kissing a Mudblood."

Blaise gasped, "You wouldn't _dare_!"

Draco nodded at Hermione, who was deep in conversation with Ron and Harry. "_That_ Mudblood."

"The bushy-haired chipmunk?!" breathed Theodore in a terrified voice.

Draco nodded, grinning. He then swept out of the Great Hall, followed closely by disgruntled Crabbe and grumpy Goyle. Blaise turned to Theodore and sighed, rolling his eyes to the enchanted ceiling, "Some days I wish I could have just been a Hufflepuff."

* * *

Gruffleclaws is the combined name of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw.

Read and review! In the next chapter, the party gets underway with a game of 'I Never'. The title refers to Truth or Dare because that is when the huge secret comes out, and it won't be about some romance either.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

It was almost noon, and the trio were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, discussing the upcoming party.

"Isn't there some way we can make the Room of Requirement Slytherin-proof?" Ron asked desperately.

"I wish," sighed Harry. He turned to Hermione. "Wait, is there a way/"

Hermione shook her head and told them, "If we couldn't keep Umbridge out last year, there is no way we can keep out the Slytherins this year."

"This stinks," sighed Ron.

"I know," Harry agreed.

Hermione perked up and said happily, "Well, this is supposed to be about Inter-House relations anyway. I guess we can make friends with some of the better Slytherins."

Ron and Harry stared at her as if they were watching a blast-ended skrewt mate with a dragon.

"Are you _mad_?!" screeched Ron.

Harry shrieked, "Make friends with the _Slytherins_?!"

"This _is_ what the party is about, making friends with other Houses!" Hermione reminded them.

"Hermione, these are _Slytherins_ we are talking about!" Harry said.

Hermione shrugged and said, "They aren't all bad."

"_WHAT?!_" Ron and Harry screeched at the same time.

"That Theodore Nott guy is rather nice," Hermione said.

"Keep talking like that and we are going to have you shipped off to St. Mungo's," Ron threatened.

Neville happened to be coming down the stairs as he heard this last bit. "What about St. Mungo's?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing," Harry, Ron, and Hermione answered too hastily to not be suspicious.

Neville eyed them for a moment, then shrugged it off. This happened to him all the time. "Anyway, have you guys thought about how we are going to provide enough food for four Houses of hungry, rabid teenagers?" he asked.

"Oh, the Room will provide that for us," Harry replied casually.

"And a musician?" Neville continued.

"Er" Harry said, looking at Ron and Hermione. "Where are we going to find a musician?"

Hermione simply shrugged. Ron, however, looked as if a brilliant idea just struck in his head. He exclaimed excitedly, "Of course!"

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Who do you have in mind?" Harry inquired.

Ron stood up and headed for the portrait hole. "Come on, we need to get to the Ravenclaw Common Room."

Hermione got up and walked over to him, questioning, "Are you talking about Marietta? I heard she plays the accordion."

"No, we aren't that desperate," Harry protested, following.

Neville sat down on a chair and scooped up Trevor, who was hiding under a table near it. He told them, "You guys go ahead. Trevor needs a bath."

Ron couldn't resist calling back as they left the Common Room, "He sure does, he smells like a bloody toad!"

"Who in Ravenclaw do you know is a musician?" Hermione demanded, snapping him back to attention.

"Luna!" Ron exclaimed, speeding up.

"Luna?" Harry and Hermione repeated blankly.

Harry asked, "Luna is a musician?"

"_No,_ but she knows one!" Ron reminded him.

Harry nor Hermione remembered Luna knowing a musician at the moment.

"Who?" inquired Hermione.

"Stubby Boardman!" Ron stated.

"The dude that impersonates my godfather?" Harry asked.

Ron said, "Yeah, him! I'm sure we can get him on short notice. After all, he's retired!"

Harry stared at him in wonder and said, "You know, if it wasn't for the red hair and millions of freckles I'd swear you are turning into Hermione."

Hermione glared at him for this insult and stated haughtily, "I highly doubt we can get Stubby Boardman here in time for the party, assuming he wants to do it."

Ron waved this away impatiently, saying, "Oh, we'll pay him and make sure nobody brings any turnips."

By now they were in the corridor they used in the second year to access the Slytherin Common Room.

Harry mused, "Okay, we heard that Penelope Clearwater bird say that she was going to the Ravenclaw Common Room, which is somewhere near here"

Conveniently, at that moment they saw Padma Patil walking towards them, holding a copy of _Witch Weekly_ and looking excited.

"Hi!" Padma greeted cheerfully.

"Hi, Padma," responded Hermione. "Do you know where Luna Lovegood is?"

Padma answered, "Oh yeah, wait right here, I'll go get her."

Padma ran off, leaving the trio standing there looking at each other. She arrived in the Ravenclaw Common Room and spotted Luna sitting by the fireplace, attempting to charm a few bottles of butterbeer to juggle themselves.

"Hey Luna, Hermione wants to talk to you," Padma told her.

Luna looked up and asked, "Is Ronald with her?"

Taken aback, Padma replied, "Er.. yes, he is."

Luna stood up and marched towards the door. She glanced behind her and asked Padma, "Left or right?"

"Right," Padma replied, heading up to her dorm.

Luna drifted dreamily towards the trio, whom had been waiting for a grand total of three minutes. "Hello," she greeted pleasantly.

Hermione greeted in a business-like voice, "Hello, Luna. We need a favor."

Luna turned her eyes to Ron and stared at him unblinkingly, causing him to back away and hide unsuccessfully behind Harry. "Yes?"

"Do you know Stubby Boardman?" Hermione asked.

"Of course," replied Luna, her eyes never leaving what she could see of Ron.

Hermione chose to ignore the fact that Luna was staring at her property and inquired in as nice a way as possible, "Do you think you could owl him and ask if he can be at the party this evening to perform?"

"Why, of course. He'd be honoured to. Five o'clock, right?" Luna confirmed.

"Right," said Harry.

"I'll go owl him now. Good-bye Hermione, Harry, Ronald." Luna turned and drifted back the way she came.

Ron said while emerging from behind Harry, "That was easy."

Hermione rolled her eyes and ordered, "Come on, let's go get ready."

"Are you going to straighten your hair like you did for the Yule Ball?" Ron inquired curiously.

"What? Bloody hell, no," Hermione answered.

Harry and Ron gawked at her. Harry said, "Hermione, you just said 'Bloody hell'. That's what Ron always says."

"So what?" Hermione snapped.

"Why don't you want to straighten your hair, if you don't mind me asking," Ron pressed on.

Hermione replied truthfully, "It's too much freaking work."

They began walking back up to their Common Room. Hermione asked conversationally, "So Ron, are you going to wear the dress you wore to the Yule Ball?"

Ron slapped Harry's head, who had started laughing. "Shut it, Hermy."

* * *

At four thirty, all the Gryffindors had gathered in the Room of Requirement, perfecting it for the upcoming party. Some were dressed in robes, some in Muggle clothes, none in anything formal. Hermione was running around frantically.

"Oh dear, what if Stubby doesn't come? We really should find a replacement before the party starts, if we don't, we'll be in so much trouble..."

Ron gripped her firmly by the shoulders and barked, "Pull yourself together, Hermione! Stubby will be here, or I'm going to gut Luna alive."

They turned to see the door fly open and Dobby proudly enter.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione chorused, "Hi, Dobby!"

"There is no need for sirs to gut Miss Luna, because Mister Stubby is here."

Everyone in the room turned to see Stubby step in behind Dobby. He looked like a younger, and if possible, a better-looking Sirius. His shiny black hair hung around his shoulders and he was dressed in black leather. He carried a green guitar that may have been the magical equilavent of electric. And he wore an expression that looked as if he had just won the lottery.

"Bloody hell" breathed Ron.

Katie Bell asked in amazement, "Is that Sirius Black?"

Stubby grinned and shook his head. "Nah, I get that all the time. I'm Stubby Boardman.

Lavender hissed to Parvati in a voice just loud enough for everyone and their Aunt Petunia to hear, "He is _hot_."

Stubby grinned even wider and wandered over to the stage, where he sat his guitar down. Then he marched over to the snack table and began shoveling food into his mouth.

"Erâ€ just help yourself then. The party begins in thirty minutes," Harry informed him.

"Cool," Stubby replied, his mouth full.

The door opened again and Luna drifted in, followed by Padma, Cho, and Marietta.

Ron whispered to Harry, "Why in the bloody hell did Marietta come?"

"Or Cho?" Harry whispered bitterly back to him.

Hermione, who overheard, said in a wise Dumbledorish voice, "They have the right to party just like anybody else."

"Bloody wonderful," muttered Ron.

This time, they heard someone knock on the door. Ron opened it to find a pair of identical redheads with faces wearing the same evil grin and a cheerful-looking woman with long pink hair behind them.

"What are you doing here?" Ron demanded of the twins.

Tonks let herself in, saying, "We were spying on you lot, and for good reason too."

"Yeah, and you were pretty fun to follow around. Dumbledore himself wanted to come, but he couldn't make it on time, so he sent us," Fred said.

Lavender, staring in disgust at Tonks's hair, demanded, "Who is _that_?"

Harry introduced, "This is Nymphadora Tonks. Call her Nymphie, she loves that."

Before Tonks could shoot Harry a death glare, Stubby looked up from the snack table. His mouth even fuller than before, he asked, "Tonks? You related to that Muggle news guy?"

"Yep, he's my daddy," Tonks announced proudly. She studied him closer. "You know, you look familiar."

"Of course I do," Stubby said, then returned to eating without offering further explanation.

Tonks glanced curiously at Harry, who shrugged. "Who is that, anyway?" she asked.

"That is Stubby Boardman, our entertainment," Luna informed her.

George mentioned, "He looks an awful lot like"

"Sirius Black," Luna finished for him. "Yes, that got him in trouble once."

Fred gazed at Stubby and said, "You know, they could be related."

"He's not. I didn't see him on the Black family tree," Harry said.

"It's not entirely reliable, you know. I'm not even on there," Tonks reminded him.

Stubby looked up from the table again and swallowed in shock. "_You_ are related to Sirius Black?"

"Yep, he's my mum's first cousin," Tonks told him.

Parvati whispered loudly to Lavender, "No wonder she looks so crazy."

"I heard that!" Tonks protested.

The door swung open and Ernie Macmillan marched inside, followed by Hannah Abbot, Susan Bones, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Moaning Myrtle.

Myrtle looked around gloomily and grumbled, "Of course, they _would_ have a guy pigging out at the snack table when they know very well that some of us are incapable of eating."

Stubby straightened up and glared at Myrtle, snapping, "If you have a problem with me eating, you can take a hike. I'm a struggling musician and I need my strength."

He defiantly ate a chocolate frog with more flourish than necessary. Myrtle glared right back at him.

Hermione asked cautiously, "Stubby? Do you think you could save some food for the kids at the party? I'm pretty sure even this room has its limit on what it can provide"

"No," Stubby replied, his mouth so full his cheeks were sticking out three feet in each direction.

Ron asked Luna quietly, "Did you by any chance tell him that we will be paying him with food?"

"Yes," Luna replied.

Stubby waved at her, saying, "Thanks a lot Luna! I owe you one!"

Hermione inquired, "How did you get him here so fast, anyway?"

"He lives in Hogsmeade now," Luna informed her as if she should have known already.

As five o'clock approached, more students entered and mingled. At exactly 4:58, the door slammed open and the Slytherins made their grand entrance. Pansy hung off Draco's arm, looking very much like she was declared Supreme Queen of the Universe. Blaise was standing next to Theodore Nott; it was clear that neither of them felt like hanging around Gruffleclaws all evening. The rest of the Slytherins grinned evilly at everyone else and shoved Stubby aside to access the food.

Ginny sighed, "Oh well, it could be worse"

"How, maybe Ferret Face will ask you do dance?" Ron joked.

Ginny shuddered, "Don't put any thoughts like that in your own little sister's mind."

"Actually, that is a very good idea" Hermione began.

She stopped when she saw the murderous look on Ginny's face.

Luna gazed up at the clock on the wall and said, "It's five o'clock now."

"Blazes, you're right!" exclaimed Stubby.

He swallowed the last of his food, leapt up to the stage, grabbed his guitar, and launched into the heart-wrenching tune "Slytherin Pride". The Gryffindors stared at him in shock, then every non-Slytherin turned to glare at Luna.

Luna shrugged, "I can't help what House he was in."

"You know, I think I like this guy," Draco commented.

"Inter-House relationsâ€ this is for Inter-House relations" Hermione chanted to herself.

Ginny asked, "Now what are we going to do?"

Ernie shouted over the music, "Stubby, do you know any non-Slytherin songs?"

"No!" Stubby shouted amid the words "pounding in Gryffindor's heads".

"I know!" Ron exclaimed.

"Uh oh, two ideas in one day" moaned Hermione worriedly.

"Shut up, Hermy," Ron ordered. He grabbed a couple bottles of firewhiskey. "Who's up for a game of I Never?"


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
To Pippinfan: Yes, according to Chapter 10 of OotP, Stubby is supposedly 'retired'.  
  
Warning: I apologize for this chapter ahead of time. Blame it on too much throat medicine.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
::All the non-Slytherins gathered in a circle away from the stage on which Stubby was now singing the lovely tune "My Snake Will Eat Your Lion". Ron pulled out a mug, which he poured some firewhiskey in. He looked around at them all.::  
  
Ron: You all know how to play, right?  
  
Padma: Yes.  
  
Hermione: No.  
  
Ron: Whoever has the mug has to say something they've never done, and whoever has done it has to drink from the mug. The person that has the most firewhiskey left at the end of the game wins.  
  
Hermione: Sounds easy enough.  
  
Ron: Who's first?  
  
Padma: Me!  
  
::Ron poured firewhiskey in the mug and handed it to her. She looked down at it thoughtfully.::  
  
Padma: I never had a dream about anyone else in this room.  
  
::Harry was the first to drink. They all looked at him questioningly.::  
  
Harry: ::shrugging:: I had a dream I fed Malfoy as a ferret to Buckbeak.  
  
::They all laughed at this. Some of the Slytherins that were dancing to Stubby's music looked back at them suspiciously.::  
  
Harry: Okay, I never... streaked through the Hogwarts halls.  
  
::Ernie, his head hung low, took the first drink. Dobby took the second one, so quickly it was doubtful if he did. Hannah raised her eyebrow at them.::  
  
Ernie: ::nodding at Dobby:: We did it together.  
  
Dobby: Yes, we both had a bit too much butterbeer...  
  
::Everyone else was now laughing hysterically at them. The Slytherins turned and glared at them. Even Stubby had lowered his singing volume so he could hear what was going on.::  
  
Draco: Potty, what is so funny?  
  
Harry: ::wiping the tears out of his eyes:: None of your business, Ferret Face.  
  
Ernie: Anyway, I do believe it is my turn now. I never had a dream about a Hogwarts teacher, current or previous.  
  
::Harry took the drink first, then Tonks.::  
  
Ernie: Well Harry, who did you dream about?  
  
Harry: The first was Professor Quirrel, he was trying to tell me I belong in Slytherin...  
  
Ron: WHAT?!  
  
Cho: Oh, you poor thing!  
  
Susan: _Slytherin?!_ That's horrible!  
  
Harry: ::hanging his head:: I know. There was also one with Hagrid teaching us about cannons, and Professor Sprout waltzing with Neville while Professor McGonagall played the bagpipes.  
  
Neville: ...You are a disturbed soul indeed.  
  
Harry: Don't I know it. ::he turned to Tonks:: Well, what about you?  
  
Tonks: ::turning pink:: I dreamt about Remus Lupin doing the Chippendale's dance...  
  
::All the Muggle-borns, except for Hermione, burst out in wild laughter, causing the Slytherins to stare at them yet again. The others, however, looked confused.::  
  
Fred: What the heck is a Chippendale's dance?  
  
Harry: ::catching his breath:: That's a Muggle dance where men dance and strip onstage.  
  
::This got the others to laughing as well. Tonks was now the same shade of pink as her hair.::  
  
Lavender:: ::shuddering:: The thought of _him_...dancing...  
  
Tonks: ::snapping:: Oh, shut it. Let's see... I never kissed Harry.  
  
Harry: Hey!  
  
::Of course, Cho was the first to drink. Then Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Dobby, and Justin.::  
  
Cho: ::angrily, to Harry:: _See_, I knew there was something going on between you and Hermione!

::Harry simply ignored her.::  
  
Ron: ::to Ginny:: You kissed Harry?... About bloody time!  
  
Ginny: ::defensively:: Well, you kissed him too.  
  
Ron: That doesn't count, it was an accident.  
  
Justin: Same here.  
  
::They all turned to look at Dobby.::  
  
Dobby: It depends on how you sirs and misses define 'accident'.  
  
Neville: When the game is over, we would like a complete explanation of this event in question. Until then, your turn, Ron.  
  
Ron: ::staring into space in deep thought:: I got it! I have never seen Dumbledore naked.  
  
::Fred and George both drank deeply from the mug, then Colin Creevey.::  
  
Tonks: ::eyeing the three of them:: Please tell me you are all joking...  
  
Fred: Nope.  
  
George: It was last year.  
  
Fred: We were bored...  
  
George: So we went to visit Professor Dumbledore.  
  
Fred: He had just come out of the bath...  
  
George: And couldn't find his towel.  
  
Fred: Because we hid it.  
  
George: And Colin was walking by, so we had him join us.  
  
Fred: He took several pictures as proof.  
  
George: Dumbledore didn't mind...  
  
Fred: Though he did say he would like his royalties if we decided to send his picture into some Muggle magazine called _Playgirl.  
_  
Ron: ::shaking his head:: You know, I think I hate you guys.  
  
Fred and George: Thanks.  
  
George: And for your pleasure...  
  
Fred: We will gladly show you the pictures.  
  
George: Colin, if you kindly run down to the Common Room and get them...  
  
Hannah, Susan, Cho, and Marietta: _NO!_  
  
Myrtle: ::giggling:: Yes, go get them.  
  
Colin: Screw you guys, I threw them away.  
  
Fred and George: You WHAT?!  
  
Fred: How could you...  
  
Colin: My brother saw them and had to be sent to the hospital. D'you really think I'd keep them around for my parents to see them too? Medical bills are too expensive for that.  
  
George: You could have given them to us.  
  
Ginny: _Hem, hem._  
  
::Several people whirled around in alarm to see where that hideous throat- clearing came from.::  
  
Ginny: Can we get back to the game now?  
  
Colin: Yes, I'll go. I never...lost my virginity.  
  
::Hermione gasped in surprise that little Colin Creevey could say such a thing. Tonks was the first to take a drink, then Dobby.  
  
Fred: ::to Tonks: I guess it's no good asking you who you lost your virginity to, right?  
  
Tonks: Right.  
  
George: No, I do believe we'll save that question for later.  
  
Fred: You're right, that will come in handy, that will.  
  
Tonks: ::putting her head in her hands:: I should never have agreed to play this stupid game...  
  
Hermione: ::defensively:: You know, it's none of your business what she has been doing and with who.  
  
Dobby: Or what.  
  
Fred: ::shaking his head:: Dobby, you are a sick little pervert.  
  
Dobby: And Mister Fred is a lying little twerp. Mister Fred better drink from that mug or else Dobby will reveal the secret of what he did it with.  
  
::All eyes turned to Fred, who blushed and drank from the cup..::  
  
Dobby: ::glaring at George:: You too.  
  
::George sulked and drank from the cup.::  
  
Dobby: ::looking around brightly:: Who's next?  
  
Ron: You.  
  
Dobby: Alright then...I never...  
  
::He never got to say it. At that moment, the door to the Room of Requirement opened and a familiar face to those that were misfortunate enough to meet him yet a strange face to those who haven't appeared. He was hunched over, his old loincloth replaced by a new, leopard one, and a permanent frown etched into his face. It was none other than Kreacher, who was shuffling across the floor grumpily.::  
  
Kreacher: ::carrying on like he has been talking for a long while:: ...And that Mudblood-lover tells Kreacher he has to come work at Hogwarts...and he is even paying Kreacher, the nerve of him...  
  
::Stubby halted his singing in surprise and stared at the house-elf.::  
  
Stubby: _Kreacher?!_  
  
::Kreacher turned around and saw Stubby standing on the stage, holding his guitar loosely in his hands.::  
  
Kreacher: ::looking the happiest anybody had ever seen a house-elf look:: Master!  
  
::He launched himself up the stage and onto Stubby with a force nobody expected.::  
  
Kreacher: Kreacher has been missing you, Master! You won't believe the sort of rifraff that moved in to your house...  
  
Hermione: ::interrupting very loudly:: Hello, Kreacher!  
  
::Kreacher turned to see Hermione smiling and waving at him.::  
  
Kreacher: ::turning back to Stubby:: Master, that Mudblood actually thinks she has the right to talk to Kreacher...  
  
Ron: ::his ears turning red:: Don't call her that!  
  
Kreacher: And that blood traitor bosses Kreacher around...  
  
::Harry, Fred, George, and Neville held Ron back from attacking the elf that was clinging to Stubby.::  
  
Stubby: ::conversationally, like if he was talking to a random rabid fan:: How's it going, Kreacher?  
  
Kreacher: Oh, the horrible things that have been going on at your house... ::he suddenly grabbed his throat and began coughing::  
  
Hermione: ::concerned:: Kreacher? Are you alright?  
  
Kreacher: ::ignoring her and croaking:: Creature! Creature!  
  
::He recovered and returned to his usual grouchy self.::  
  
Kreacher: Kreacher hates stupid Mudbloods and Mudblood-lovers.  
  
Stubby: I'm sure you do, Kreach.  
  
::Harry realized then that Dobby was hiding behind him.::  
  
Harry: ::looking back at him:: Dobby...?  
  
Dobby: Dobby hates Kreacher, Harry Potter. Because...  
  
Kreacher: ::turning around sharply and staring at Dobby, whose ears were visible around Harry:: Look Master, it is Dobby, the traitor.  
  
Dobby: Oh, shut up, Kreacher.  
  
::Kreacher detached himself from Stubby and Dobby emerged from behind Harry. They approached each other slowly, their eyes alight with hatred for the other.  
  
Ernie: ::pompously drinking from the firewhiskey mug:: I do believe we will get to experience a house-elf fight.  
  
Hermione: ::worriedly:: Trust me, that is not a good thing...  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Next chapter: Dobby and Kreacher fight, of course, and the game of Truth or Dare begins. And yes, I did hint a bit about a Tonks/Lupin relationship, but don't get too cozy with that. I love twists.


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Chapter Four  
  
::Kreacher and Dobby circled each other in the middle of the room for a full two minutes, sizing each other up.::  
  
Hermione: ::biting her nails:: Oh dear, can't you two just talk this over rationally?  
  
Dobby: ::not taking his eyes off Kreacher:: Sorry Miss, but Kreacher does not understand the concept of being rational.  
  
Kreacher: Similar to how Dobby does not understand the concept of being a good house-elf.  
  
Stubby: ::looking almost as worried as Hermione:: Kreacher, I don't think you should do this... Dobby is a young one, you know, and quite capable of...  
  
Kreacher: ::interrupting him:: Kreacher has to revenge Master's family by taking care of this traitor.  
  
Harry: ::vividly recalling how Dobby so easily took down Lucius Malfoy in his second year:: Er... Good luck, Dobby.  
  
Dobby: ::as politely as possible while having a murderous glint in his eye:: Thank you, sir.  
  
Ron: ::whispering to Harry:: Fifteen galleons on Dobby.  
  
::He expertly avoided a slap upside the head by Hermione by ducking in a remarkably Matrix-like way.::  
  
Fred: ::looking as though they had sideline tickets to the fight of the year:: I have twenty galleons that say Dobby will win... but Kreacher will be the last one standing.  
  
Harry: ::doubtful:: I don't think so.  
  
Hermione: _Honestly!  
_  
Luna: ::to Stubby:: You know, I didn't expect this to happen.  
  
Stubby: ::setting his guitar down and sitting on the edge of the stage:: Me neither.  
  
Draco: ::looking impatient as Dobby and Kreacher continued to circle each other:: Oh, come on! Fight each other already so we can go back to partying!  
  
Hermione: Oh shut up, you no good ferret!  
  
::However, Draco's wish was granted before Hermione could finish her sentence properly. Kreacher sent a blast of some sort of stunning spell at Dobby, who ducked just in time. The spell instead hit the snack table and blew it and the snacks upon it into oblivion.::  
  
Stubby: ::horrified:: No!  
  
Ernie: ::pompously to Hannah and Susan:: Come on, let these Gryffindors have their silly little fight. I feel in the mood for a nice polish of my prefect badge.  
  
Susan: Yeah, let's go...  
  
::The three headed towards the door, but promptly stopped when a spell from Kreacher, which Harry assumed was the house-elf's version of Avada Kedavra, narrowly missed hitting them all at one time.::  
  
Ernie: ::standing in a far corner from the battling elves, hunched behind Hannah and Susan:: On second thought, I think I'll just stay here...  
  
::Dobby managed to hit Kreacher with a powerful Stunning curse that sent Kreacher flying into a wall with a loud crash. Hermione and Stubby were the only ones that looked the least bit concerned for Kreacher's well- being. Before they could rush to his aid, Kreacher was up and fighting again. The house-elf war lasted another fifteen minutes. Surprisingly, the elves themselves remained unarmed while attacking each other while the humans around them received a startling amount of injuries. Due to a spell from Dobby, Hannah Abbot now had a palm tree growing out the top of her head. Kreacher sent Neville to the ceiling, where he was stuck and no spell from Hermione could bring him down again. But the worst of all was poor Ron, whom Kreacher had turned into a giant spider. Harry was quite sure this was done on purpose.::  
  
Ron: ::in a spidery voice:: Help me, somebody...  
  
Neville: Get me down from here!  
  
Hannah: My head hurts...  
  
Fred: ::who was watching very calmly:: You know, George, I think we should help stop this war.  
  
George: ::also very calm:: I do reckon you are right, Fred.  
  
::They both removed their wands from their pockets and pointed them at the elves. Dobby had now abandoned magical fighting and had Kreacher in a headlock.::  
  
Fred: On the count of three...one...two...three!  
  
Fred and George: PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!  
  
::Dobby wisely ducked in time to keep from getting hit, but Kreacher wasn't as fortunate. Kreacher froze on the spot, but Dobby lost his balance and fell flat on his bum.::  
  
Draco: Why the bloody hell didn't anybody else think of that?  
  
George: I guess this means we win the bet.  
  
Harry: What bet?  
  
Fred: That Dobby will win, but Kreacher will be the last one standing.  
  
Hermione: ::who had just turned Ron back into a human:: But it was your fault that it turned out that way, so it isn't fair!  
  
George: A bet's a bet, Hermione.  
  
Fred: Yeah, you didn't bet anything, so you have no right to tell us we don't win.  
  
Tonks: ::whose hair now looked like Marge Simpson's, but pink:: Would you stop fighting, already?  
  
Hermione: ::apologetically:: Sorry, but it's what I do best.  
  
Stubby: ::who had approached Kreacher and was leaning over him, worried:: He's not moving...  
  
Dobby: ::who was getting high-fives from Harry, Ron, and Neville:: Master Stubby shouldn't worry about the evil Kreacher. He'll be fine.  
  
Hermione: ::now leaning over Kreacher as well:: Oh Merlin, he's dead!  
  
Tonks: Uh oh, we're going to be in so much trouble...  
  
Fred: ::edging towards the door with George:: _We?_ I don't think so.  
  
Tonks: ::grabbing the twins' arms and dragging them back to where the rest were crowded:: Yes, you two were the ones that killed him!  
  
Colin: ::a rare good idea appearing in his brain:: Wait... I've got an idea!  
  
George: If it involves Fred and I taking the next broom to Japan and living in hiding for the rest of our lives from Mum, then we are all for it.  
  
Colin: Your salty balls!  
  
Hermione: ::shocked:: _Pardon?  
_  
Colin: Fred and George's chocolate salty balls!  
  
Fred: Of course! They have rejuvenating powers!  
  
Ginny: You mean you still have those?  
  
George: Of course we do, what else would we do with them?  
  
Fred: ::pulling out a couple of chocolate salty balls from his pocket:: They have never failed me yet!  
  
Stubby: You may as well hurry and give them to Kreacher...  
  
::Fred and George stuffed their chocolate salty balls into Kreacher's mouth. Everyone crowded around to see if he would awaken. Eventually he did, and he didn't look very pleased.::  
  
Kreacher: Kreacher would like to know why Master Stubby let these two unnatural beasts put their chocolate balls in Kreacher's mouth.  
  
Stubby: Kreacher! You're alive!  
  
Dobby: ::sarcastically:: How wonderful.  
  
Ron: ::clapping his hands together in a business-like way:: Now that that is taken care of, let's continue our party.  
  
Hermione: How can you possibly think of partying during a sentimental time like this?  
  
Harry: ::ignoring her:: Yeah, let's play Truth or Dare!  
  
Hermione: ::under her breath:: I really should hate those two imbeciles...  
  
Draco: We all do.  
  
Theodore: You know Malfoy, you just agreed with a Muggleborn.  
  
Draco: ::to Hermione:: I really hate you, you know.

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For those of you that don't know, the chocolate salty balls are from South Park. Sorry it took so long getting this chapter up, but it wouldn't upload. Hopefully the next one will be longer and funnier. The game of Truth or Dare, and a secret that was inspired by South Park.


End file.
